Pairing: Dru/Hurley (crossover with Lost)
Summary: On Hurley's journey across the island, he meets someone very strange, and on this island, that's saying something.
Disclaimer: Lost is owned by ABC. Buffy the Vampire Slayer is owned by Mutant Enemy. No copyright infringement is intended.
"So, you're, like… an Other, right?" Hurley asked.
It was a reasonable question to ask. He'd just been told to go back to camp and tell the rest of his group never to come on this side of the island again, and now, after shlepping through the jungle all day, he finally stopped to catch a few hours sleep when this woman showed up out of nowhere.
"Cause, you know, I don't really dig the idea that I've been dragged all the way across the island, gotten hit with a tranquilizer dart, which, really, ow much, had a bag stuck over my head, and been cattle prodded, which, again, with the major level of ow on that, only to find out that, guess what, I'm still not one of the popular kids, and this whole ordeal really amounted to me being a human Post-It note that reads, ‘Stay out!’" he yelled.
She stared at him.
"No offense or anything," he said with an apologetic shrug. "It's just, you know, been a killer rough day, dude. So, like, what do you want?"
She paused and tilted her head.
"You're confusing," she finally said. "Your words run around in my head… and they're all wearing bunny slippers and carrying surfboards and tacos."
"I… wha?" he said, furrowing his eyebrows. "Look, lady, just tell me who you are, okay? It's been, like, the longest day ever, and that's without the purple-sky-loud-noise thing."
"That was odd," she said, nodding in agreement. "There were buzzing flies in the air, bzz, bzz, and the little dog laughed to see such sport, but the dish and the spoon can't run away together, for there's nowhere to go, you see."
"Are you, like, related to Danielle? Cuz, seriously, you talk kind of the same way," Hurley said. "I mean, not, you know, like you sound French, but the vocab is definitely out of the same book."
"I've met her," she said. "Her voice echoes with ghosts. I like her."
"Uh-huh," Hurley said, still rather unsure what to make of her. "Yeah, okay, so, I'm Hurley. Knowing your name would be nice, what with us being marrooned miles from civilization and kind of stuck with each other."
"Drusilla," she responded. "Pleasure to meet you."
"Likewise," Hurley said, then sat on a fallen tree. "So, pop a squat if you want, Dru."
"I… don't understand you," she said.
"You know, grab a seat, take a load off, sit down," Hurley said and patted the trunk beside him.
"Thank you," she said and daintily sat beside him.
"So… how'd you get to be an Other? I mean, not really a career choice that comes up on those evaluations they give you in high school, but then, mine said I was supposed to be a brick layer, so, really, how accurate are those things," he said, trying to be conversational to ward off the feeling that this situation was out of his control.
"I don't know," she finally said. "I was walking along, looking for a bite to eat, and then this man came up with a needle and poked me, and I went all foggy. I woke up in a big metal torpedo, and Benny told me to hunt out the weak lambs in the fold. I tried to hunt him, but he burns so, like holy water in my mouth."
"Yeah," Hurley said, edging a little further away from her on the log. "Um, not to be rude, but, you aren't, like, going to kill me or something, are you? Because that really would not be cool."
"I was thinking about it," she admitted, then shrugged. "But I suppose I'm not all that hungry."
"That's… good…," Hurley said, looking like he was trying to decide between running through the jungle alone at night in the dark with that smoke thing or staying with the crazy lady. "I, uh, don't really want to be dead."
"It can be fun sometimes," Dru said to him as she looked up at the moonlight. "No pitterpat in the chest, but there's lots of pitterpatting in my brain."
"I just bet there is," he said, inching a bit further down the trunk, the jungle starting to look pretty darn good.
"You'd know," she said, suddenly turning her gaze on him, and her eyes looked sort of yellow. "You used to hear the voices too, until you got all better."
"I'm not crazy!" Hurley said firmly. "Or, not anymore."
"I don't call people crazy," Dru said primly. "It's most impolite."
"Totally impolite," Hurley agreed.
A long pause followed, with the two of them fidgeting uncomfortably, not knowing where to look or what to say. Finally, Hurley remembered the bananas he'd grabbed as he was walking and reached into his shirt pocket for one.
"Hey, uh, you want a banana?" he asked her. "It's probably a little squished but, you know, still banana flavored."
Drusilla chewed her lip in consideration before saying, "No, thank you."
"'kay," Hurley said as he took a bite.
Chewing kind of was something to do anyway. Hurley continued to look around uncomfortably.
"I like you," she finally said, getting up.
"That's… nice…," Hurley said, not sure how he was supposed to react to that.
"So I'm going away," she said. "I'm going to play with the boars. They're yummy. Then I might snap up an extra or two. Maybe Paulo."
"Uh…," Hurley said, not quite sure what she meant, "okay, but be careful. There's this thing that floats around like smoke out there, and it, like, occasionally kills people. So if you hear something that sounds like a brontosaurus, like, run, dude. Got me?"
Drusilla grinned, then came closer to Hurley, gave him a kiss on the forehead that felt as cold as ice, and disappeared into the trees, her white gown visible against the darkness for a few moments.
"Dude," Hurley said, taking another bite of his banana, "and that isn't even close to being the weirdest thing that's happened in the last six hours."
- fin -